Christmas Eve I couldn't stop thinking of those shoes I wanted. I finally managed to fall asleep. The next morning I rush downstairs as my parents follow behind me. They tell me to open my gift so I do I put my hand in the box and felt it was just a box of oranges.
"What the heck is this?" I said.
"Well money's tight in the buget right now".
"Alright I said".
So I sat there and ate oranges all day.
I really like the plot twist of your story. IN the second to last line of your story you say, "Alright I said". You wouldn't say "Alright I said", you would just say "Alright" and the add I said after the quotation marks.
ReplyDeleteVery funny topic. I think that you can fit some powerful words and more descriptive language in there also. And a lot of your sentences start with They, i, And W words.
ReplyDeleteVery funny story! You got some mistakes i n your story: You should add a comma after Christmas Eve, and put on before the word: On Christmas Eve,... You also should check your commas. Also You need to add quotation marks after alright and then say I said.
ReplyDelete