Wednesday 17 February 2016

Week8

My mom told me to never go in the room in the basement. So I got curious and one day when my parents left I entered the basement made my way down the stairs and their it was the room I was not suppose to go in. As I put my hand on the handle and turn and push the door opened there it was. All the gifts they got me for Christmas. So that Christmas is wasn't that exciting because I already new what I got.
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3 comments:

  1. Unknown17 February 2016 at 20:07

    You are missing some punctuation in a lot of areas so just remember to go check over your comments and add commas and periods in some places. I really like the twist on this story! I do think you should throw in a few descriptive words to make it more exiting. Otherwise, great story!

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  2. Unknown18 February 2016 at 15:52

    Very funny! though you need a lot of commas, and also I think you could use some more descriptive languge.

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  3. Unknown21 February 2016 at 22:07

    You have great ideas for a story but need to spend time revising and editing. Be sure to use the feedback from your peers. Many parts of your story are confusing. It will help if you read your story out loud to yourself and to others. Be sure to check over your sentences for fluency and structure.

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